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silph_co2017-05-08 08:50 pm
indigo_league) wrote in silph_co2017-05-08 08:50 pm
Entry tags:
ATTENTION ALL ROCKETS!
[It’s early. Very early. A familiar signal chimes from every Team Rocket member's Poke'Gear--a sign that they are about to receive new instructions. However, these instructions contain no mission. When opened, the text reads:]
ATTENTION ALL TEAM ROCKET MEMBERS. REPORT TO THE GOLDENROD BASE IMMEDIATELY VIA THE NEAREST WARP FOR A VERY IMPORTANT MEETING ON THE 9TH. IF YOU ARE BETWEEN CITIES AND DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO FLY OR TELEPORT, CONTACT YOUR ADMIN AND YOU WILL BE FETCHED. IT IS TIME WE REWARD THE EFFORTS OF THOSE WHO HAVE PROVED THEMSELVES LOYAL AND SKILLED. IT IS ALSO TIME TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF THOSE WHO NEED TO IMPROVE.
IF YOU ARE ABSENT FROM THIS VERY IMPORTANT MEETING, THERE WILL BE DIRE CONSEQUENCES.
THERE WILL BE CREPES. TOOTLEBYE.
[May the 9th. Noon. The day of the meeting. When the Rockets do finally arrive at the meeting room designated by oddly floral signs posted all around the base, they will find several rows of very uncomfortable folding chairs facing a podium. A long table stands at the back of the room and does, in fact, have the promised complimentary crepes. For a time, the meeting room is empty.]
[And then. It is not.]
[With catlike tread comes a man of sufficient build, his Rocket Administrator uniform crisp, unbuttoned at the collar and rolled up at the sleeves. Pink hair that greys at the temples is brushed back, flaring out at the neck a bit. It’s reminiscent of a Spritzee, and one is indeed perched on the man’s shoulder - the very same one that had been stationed in the bathroom in the base underneath the Elite Four’s mansion. He comes to a stop at the side of the podium, hands behind his ramrod-straight back, and he looks appraisingly at the cluster of Rockets present. Those of you in the front row might be able to discern the slightest of smiles on his face, but any further back and all you get is calm and solid aura of discipline.]
[A looming shadow follows the man and as it nears the podium, it is revealed to be an enormous woman with wide shoulders. Her suit is hand-tailored to fit her skull-crusher frame and is covered in beautiful intricate flowers. Even her pink hair is styled so that it looks like a large rose is situated to one side of her head. In that false rose, a happy little Cutiefly rests, buzzing its wings contently as it looks out over those assembled with dead black eyes--just like a doll’s eyes! The woman’s pink lips pull into a very wide, shark-like smile and she brings her tiny hands together in a loud clap.]
Oh look at you! Look at you! I could just eat the lot of you right up, I could! Welcome, Rockets, to your appreciation ceremony! I know you've probably been enjoying the new decorations and your new Pokemon, but there's even more to come! Now, you might wonder just who we are. That’s normal. We haven’t been buzzing around the base in quite some time. You may--and will-- call me Auntie Apricorn because here in Team Rocket, we’re a family.
[The man coughs softly, blinking just long enough to hide a roll of the eyes.] And ya can call me Uncle Haban, ‘n only that. Last guys who tried a nickname...well, let’s say they ain’t comin’ round for Sunday dinner. I don’t wanna haveta kick youse kids outta that just yet, y’look like a good gaggle a kids...ya just need a lil’ shapin’, lil’ incentive ta get your Rocket chops up ta snuff. That’s what we’re here ta do.
[Auntie hums, seeming pleased. The Cutiefly in her hair hums too.]
Well put, baby brother. After all, we’ve only just met! The team has decided that you all need special attention and that is why we are here. Besides being your new auntie and uncle, we are also your new admins. You answer to us now. We are going to make you the best that you can be and more! Aren’t we, Habey?
[Uncle bristles, and the Spritzee on his shoulder puffs up indignantly.] Fookin’ rude, ‘Pri, ya only got eight ‘n a half minutes on me, it ain’t worth lordin’ over a guy…
[Auntie leans across the podium to forcefully pat him on the head, mussing his hair even more.] Oh, but it is! Eight and a half minutes is eight and a half minutes worth of world experience! Now then! Why don’t we be a good aunt and uncle and give the kids some treats?
So long’s ya didn’t cook those things yerself, we shouldn’t scare ‘em straight with food poisonin’.
[Auntie’s perma-smile draws back just enough for the thinnest sliver of her perfect white teeth to be visible and sher turns to face her brother.]
Not those treats, Habey.
Well ya shoulda clarified, ’Pri.
[A silence passes between the duo, not unlike the silence before a volcano erupts, but no eruption happens today. The team’s new auntie and uncle pause, take a breath, and put their smiles back on and turn to address the gathered Rockets.]
To begin, I would like to call attention to our current, most decorated Rockets! These Rockets showed their true colors in the heat of chaos. I would like to congratulate them on their promotions! Everyone clap now! Clap!
[She claps her tiny hands. Those of you who don’t clap are glared at by Uncle Haban.]
First up...we had a real darn good Rocket in the thick of it, real dedicated to the mission...not everythin’ hit the mark, sure, but we’re damned floored by the initiative. So c’mon, show Handsome Jack some love for a near perfect job!
[His claps are loud and echoing, almost demanding to be accompanied.]
Near perfect, yes! [Auntie interjects.] Good job Mr. Handsome. Our next Rocket is a real whirlwind in the heat of battle! A great little guard and stand-in to boot! Congratulations to our Wrath! Claps for Wrath!
And our final promotee showed great skill in crowd control! Great use of birds! Claps for our Manaka! Good work, sweetie!
[Haban clears his throat as the clapping dies down, pulling back the crowd’s attention. He’s still as calm as ever, though there’s a glint of disappointment in his eyes.]
Then there’s the rest a ya...not ta say everything ya did went south, but, well, not everybody’s gettin’ promotions, ya don’t hand ‘em out like candies, ‘n we gotta see more from this next bunch before ya even think a gettin’ past Grunt clearance. First up is...Sullivan. Walter Sullivan? Heard some things about ya! Ya helped rope in a good haul, but, ah…[He tsks.] Ya come see me, alright? Afterwards? You ‘n me, we need a chat. Chitchat. ‘Cause ya got potential, kid, but it’s gotta go into the right places, ya know?
‘N then there’s...Diana? Ya didn’t slouch off, an’ I know prom’s a fun time for a kid, ya wanna have fun, but when ya gotta work, ya gotta work. You too, you see me later, alright? For more chitchats. We got chitchats ta go over.
Then, last…[Haban trails off. He...actually looks pale as he glances over to Auntie Apricorn.] Well. That ain’t my jurisdiction. ‘Pri, floor’s yours.
[Auntie finally stops clapping and Auntie finally stops smiling. Her pink lips quickly flip from being a wide crescent moon of a smile to a tight little pout. Her eyes fall on Anthy.]
I want you to understand, dearheart, I’m not…mad. Just disappointed. But it seems you just didn’t do anything right. And we can’t have that in the family, now can we? Instead of special training with Haban, your punishment can be carried out here and now. I’m afraid I’m going to have to half your pay until you can provide, honeypot. And send you to bed without supper.
[Her face hardens like the outward skin of an apricorn and she whips out an arm, calling the attention of the grunts along the back wall.]
THIS WOMAN IS NOT TO RECEIVE FOOD OR WATER FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. And no food the day after that! I want guards on every snack machine, water fountain, and exit. If I catch a single one of you showing her any pity, I’ll have you thrown in the PokeyChokey!
[Auntie’s eyes rest on Anthy again.]
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
[She sniffles.]
[Haban grimaces slightly in the girl's direction. He really doesn't like to give those punishments, not at all, but it's for the good of the team. The Spritzee on his shoulder mirrors his movements to fix his sleeves.]
You'll see us around the base and for training exercises - specialized or otherwise. Don't be strangers, but don't be whiny lil' shits either, capisce? We ain't the Human Resources department. Now - get out there 'n make us proud ta be your Rocket Auntie and Uncle!
((OOC: Okay! For the Rockets who were called out by Haban to see him later, he’ll be having a serious talk with each of you - primarily about the importance of loyalty to the team and how they should take measures to overcome their shortcomings, whether they be focusing more on the social aspect of prom and slacking on the diabolical aspect (Diana) or being far too loose about top secret plans (Walter). Diana, you will be let off with a warning to reign in your behavior during missions. Walter, you will be required to clean the toilets until the seats shine, the metal sparkles, and the scent of bleach permeates your clothes as you reflect on the importance of keeping your mouth shut.
That aside, everyone come give your new uncle and auntie a big big hug!))
IF YOU ARE ABSENT FROM THIS VERY IMPORTANT MEETING, THERE WILL BE DIRE CONSEQUENCES.
THERE WILL BE CREPES. TOOTLEBYE.
[May the 9th. Noon. The day of the meeting. When the Rockets do finally arrive at the meeting room designated by oddly floral signs posted all around the base, they will find several rows of very uncomfortable folding chairs facing a podium. A long table stands at the back of the room and does, in fact, have the promised complimentary crepes. For a time, the meeting room is empty.]
[And then. It is not.]
[With catlike tread comes a man of sufficient build, his Rocket Administrator uniform crisp, unbuttoned at the collar and rolled up at the sleeves. Pink hair that greys at the temples is brushed back, flaring out at the neck a bit. It’s reminiscent of a Spritzee, and one is indeed perched on the man’s shoulder - the very same one that had been stationed in the bathroom in the base underneath the Elite Four’s mansion. He comes to a stop at the side of the podium, hands behind his ramrod-straight back, and he looks appraisingly at the cluster of Rockets present. Those of you in the front row might be able to discern the slightest of smiles on his face, but any further back and all you get is calm and solid aura of discipline.]
[A looming shadow follows the man and as it nears the podium, it is revealed to be an enormous woman with wide shoulders. Her suit is hand-tailored to fit her skull-crusher frame and is covered in beautiful intricate flowers. Even her pink hair is styled so that it looks like a large rose is situated to one side of her head. In that false rose, a happy little Cutiefly rests, buzzing its wings contently as it looks out over those assembled with dead black eyes--just like a doll’s eyes! The woman’s pink lips pull into a very wide, shark-like smile and she brings her tiny hands together in a loud clap.]
Oh look at you! Look at you! I could just eat the lot of you right up, I could! Welcome, Rockets, to your appreciation ceremony! I know you've probably been enjoying the new decorations and your new Pokemon, but there's even more to come! Now, you might wonder just who we are. That’s normal. We haven’t been buzzing around the base in quite some time. You may--and will-- call me Auntie Apricorn because here in Team Rocket, we’re a family.
[The man coughs softly, blinking just long enough to hide a roll of the eyes.] And ya can call me Uncle Haban, ‘n only that. Last guys who tried a nickname...well, let’s say they ain’t comin’ round for Sunday dinner. I don’t wanna haveta kick youse kids outta that just yet, y’look like a good gaggle a kids...ya just need a lil’ shapin’, lil’ incentive ta get your Rocket chops up ta snuff. That’s what we’re here ta do.
[Auntie hums, seeming pleased. The Cutiefly in her hair hums too.]
Well put, baby brother. After all, we’ve only just met! The team has decided that you all need special attention and that is why we are here. Besides being your new auntie and uncle, we are also your new admins. You answer to us now. We are going to make you the best that you can be and more! Aren’t we, Habey?
[Uncle bristles, and the Spritzee on his shoulder puffs up indignantly.] Fookin’ rude, ‘Pri, ya only got eight ‘n a half minutes on me, it ain’t worth lordin’ over a guy…
[Auntie leans across the podium to forcefully pat him on the head, mussing his hair even more.] Oh, but it is! Eight and a half minutes is eight and a half minutes worth of world experience! Now then! Why don’t we be a good aunt and uncle and give the kids some treats?
So long’s ya didn’t cook those things yerself, we shouldn’t scare ‘em straight with food poisonin’.
[Auntie’s perma-smile draws back just enough for the thinnest sliver of her perfect white teeth to be visible and sher turns to face her brother.]
Not those treats, Habey.
Well ya shoulda clarified, ’Pri.
[A silence passes between the duo, not unlike the silence before a volcano erupts, but no eruption happens today. The team’s new auntie and uncle pause, take a breath, and put their smiles back on and turn to address the gathered Rockets.]
To begin, I would like to call attention to our current, most decorated Rockets! These Rockets showed their true colors in the heat of chaos. I would like to congratulate them on their promotions! Everyone clap now! Clap!
[She claps her tiny hands. Those of you who don’t clap are glared at by Uncle Haban.]
First up...we had a real darn good Rocket in the thick of it, real dedicated to the mission...not everythin’ hit the mark, sure, but we’re damned floored by the initiative. So c’mon, show Handsome Jack some love for a near perfect job!
[His claps are loud and echoing, almost demanding to be accompanied.]
Near perfect, yes! [Auntie interjects.] Good job Mr. Handsome. Our next Rocket is a real whirlwind in the heat of battle! A great little guard and stand-in to boot! Congratulations to our Wrath! Claps for Wrath!
And our final promotee showed great skill in crowd control! Great use of birds! Claps for our Manaka! Good work, sweetie!
[Haban clears his throat as the clapping dies down, pulling back the crowd’s attention. He’s still as calm as ever, though there’s a glint of disappointment in his eyes.]
Then there’s the rest a ya...not ta say everything ya did went south, but, well, not everybody’s gettin’ promotions, ya don’t hand ‘em out like candies, ‘n we gotta see more from this next bunch before ya even think a gettin’ past Grunt clearance. First up is...Sullivan. Walter Sullivan? Heard some things about ya! Ya helped rope in a good haul, but, ah…[He tsks.] Ya come see me, alright? Afterwards? You ‘n me, we need a chat. Chitchat. ‘Cause ya got potential, kid, but it’s gotta go into the right places, ya know?
‘N then there’s...Diana? Ya didn’t slouch off, an’ I know prom’s a fun time for a kid, ya wanna have fun, but when ya gotta work, ya gotta work. You too, you see me later, alright? For more chitchats. We got chitchats ta go over.
Then, last…[Haban trails off. He...actually looks pale as he glances over to Auntie Apricorn.] Well. That ain’t my jurisdiction. ‘Pri, floor’s yours.
[Auntie finally stops clapping and Auntie finally stops smiling. Her pink lips quickly flip from being a wide crescent moon of a smile to a tight little pout. Her eyes fall on Anthy.]
I want you to understand, dearheart, I’m not…mad. Just disappointed. But it seems you just didn’t do anything right. And we can’t have that in the family, now can we? Instead of special training with Haban, your punishment can be carried out here and now. I’m afraid I’m going to have to half your pay until you can provide, honeypot. And send you to bed without supper.
[Her face hardens like the outward skin of an apricorn and she whips out an arm, calling the attention of the grunts along the back wall.]
THIS WOMAN IS NOT TO RECEIVE FOOD OR WATER FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. And no food the day after that! I want guards on every snack machine, water fountain, and exit. If I catch a single one of you showing her any pity, I’ll have you thrown in the PokeyChokey!
[Auntie’s eyes rest on Anthy again.]
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
[She sniffles.]
[Haban grimaces slightly in the girl's direction. He really doesn't like to give those punishments, not at all, but it's for the good of the team. The Spritzee on his shoulder mirrors his movements to fix his sleeves.]
You'll see us around the base and for training exercises - specialized or otherwise. Don't be strangers, but don't be whiny lil' shits either, capisce? We ain't the Human Resources department. Now - get out there 'n make us proud ta be your Rocket Auntie and Uncle!
((OOC: Okay! For the Rockets who were called out by Haban to see him later, he’ll be having a serious talk with each of you - primarily about the importance of loyalty to the team and how they should take measures to overcome their shortcomings, whether they be focusing more on the social aspect of prom and slacking on the diabolical aspect (Diana) or being far too loose about top secret plans (Walter). Diana, you will be let off with a warning to reign in your behavior during missions. Walter, you will be required to clean the toilets until the seats shine, the metal sparkles, and the scent of bleach permeates your clothes as you reflect on the importance of keeping your mouth shut.
That aside, everyone come give your new uncle and auntie a big big hug!))
LATE but
[Dumpster Kid will make himself impossible to ignore.]
Yes!
I've never gotten a promotion before!
[He has Manifested (tm) right at Jack's elbow, and looks absolutely beside himself with joy and enthusiasm. Apparently enough so that he's willing to temporarily forget the fact that Jack doesn't like vanilla pudding cups and therefore is not to be trusted.]
no subject
[It's not like Jack has anything against kids. Hell, kids can be useful! And Dumpster Boy's at least more entertaining than Pickle ever was. Whatever happened to that kid, anyway? Jack hadn't even talked to him again, after he took control of Hyperion. Maybe he got eaten by a Shuggurath.]
If you're waiting for me to feign surprise, we're gonna be here a long time, kid.
[Eh, whatever, he's in a good mood.]
The first promotion feels great, I know. Like 'wow, I did awesome!'. Had my first when I was twenty. But a couple years you'll feel like it's nothing. Or, hopefully, 'cause the idea is to get a lot more promotions.
no subject
[He clenches his fists, filled with a determined fervor.]
I'm going to work very hard!
I have all kinds of ideas.
no subject
[These are gonna be hilarious, probably. Jack's pretty sure Dumpster Kid can't even read, let alone strategize or think up tactically valid plans.]
[Plus he's what? Ten?]
Do they involve hot doorknobs and costumed mannequins?
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[He considers Jack's words thoughtfully. Zero cultural context to get the reference-- but feed him ideas and they'll multiply. First, though, he needs to ask an important question.]
What's a mannequin?
no subject
[This kid has the weirdest knowledge gaps.]
no subject
I thought they were just repurposed bodies.
[He sure does.]
no subject
[Considering Dumpster Kid himself brought the idea up, Jack sees nothing wrong with sharing this story with him.]
[He wouldn't be so jovial about it if he'd known after his exit from his own universe, the same dude had ended up with quite a few Hyperion employees in his museum...]
Put uh...little radio things in'em, so it sounded like they talked.
no subject
[And the fact that Jack seems so amused by it only makes Wrath do his little hyena cackle.]
Oh boy!
I bet that made lots of humans very upset!
They're so funny about bodies.
no subject
[Jack shrugs. That's Pandora. That's the kind of stuff he was trying to fix, but no, no, let's keep the human taxidermists and baby-eaters running the place, that's sooooo much better than Handsome Jack.]
[What the hell was wrong with people?]
You...you'd probably do okay there, Dumpster Boy.
no subject
[That's honestly one of the kindest things Wrath has ever said about humanity.]
[As for the second bit... he decides that must be a compliment! So he just beams, baring all of his gleaming, wolfy teeth!]
no subject
[Sure, there's aliens and stuff, but...not as many as there were. And humans are freaking everywhere.]
Uh, but here's the thing, aren't you human here? Isn't everybody? I mean, you not originally being human makes a lot of sense, answers a lot of questions really...
no subject
[Jack's next topic is more important to Wrath, though.]
Well, there's more to being human than just having the body.
We have to earn it.
[Sure, he'd planned on becoming human through straight-up BODY-PART THEFT, but the act of stealing was as important as the stolen pieces themselves!]
I just woke up like this when I got here.
It doesn't count if someone just gives it to you.
no subject
[He's had this conversation with robots. It's one of the drawbacks to building them so advanced, they had thoughts and opinions and some of them got all these crazy ideas about wanting to be something else. There's a reason he started getting rid of those lines.]
There's nothing that great about it that needs to be earned. Humans are...we're limited things. We gotta deal with all the friggin limits of being pretty delicate and short lived squishy organisms. I mean we got...what, maybe a couple of centuries if we're really lucky? And that's if nothing shoots us, stabs us, poisons us, eats us, steps on us...the list keeps going. And the rest of it...trust me, the body's the really human part and it's the shittiest part.
no subject
[Of course, as Jack goes on, Wrath's head tilts further and further to the side, his expression growing skeptical. For all the fuss humans made about how terrible it was that the Homunculi weren't humans, they sure didn't seem to grasp why any of them might want to remedy that.]
I know all that.
Humans are weak and pathetic.
But if you're not human, everyone hates you and thinks you're bad, even if you look a lot like one, and they'll hurt you.
So.
Someday I'll be a real human.
But for now, just the body is fine.
no subject
[How many do they have to send to the grinder because they start questioning things and deciding they're independent?]
Hey, hey, we ain't all weak and pathetic, watch it there kiddo. And that's only stupid humans. They freak out over shit they don't understand and think the best way to deal with it is destroying what they don't get. Which is stupid.
no subject
[Wrath has learned about a few things, like ghosts. But robots? Still no clue what those are.]
[So... he lets that go, for now.]
[Instead, he shakes his head slowly.]
No, all of you are weak and pathetic.
That doesn't make you bad... but you should probably face the facts. It's the only way you'll overcome it.
[Deep Life Advice from Dumpster Boy.]
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[Like...everything on Elpis, basically. The attack by the Lost Legion, with their whole freaking army against just him. And yeah, he'd hid. Because there was an entire army with tanks and machine guns and explosives and there was him with his freaking wrist lasers. But he'd survived. The Eridian. Having a fiery active Eridian artifact punched with space magic into his skull. That shit really should have killed him. But it hadn't. If anything, it had made him even stronger.]
I think you're confusing 'weak and pathetic' with 'stupid and lazy'.
no subject
[He's seen plenty of humans who should totally be dead. Like a certain blond amputee alchemist and his brother. :T BUT THEY ALWAYS MANAGE TO GET OUT OF SCRAPES.]
But anyway, my kind don't want to be humans to be more powerful.
If that was what we wanted, we'd just stay the way we are.
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[Jack is not following Dumpster Boy's logic at all here.]
no subject
Humans wouldn't understand.
They take everything for granted.