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[video]
[Doppio has been at this training thing for a few days now. Nothing too complex, as he expected, but he does at least appreciate the tours of the city's back alleys and underground tunnels.
However, there are a few things that training isn't telling him even though he figures they may be handy to know if he wants to get anywhere in this place, and, well, he should really stick to Rocket communications for this first couple of weeks. From what he gathers, one of the Pokémon he's been given has already been trained a bit, so it might be suspicious to show up out of nowhere with THAT under his belt. Best to learn the ropes first, and then he can tell civilians he's been at it for a little while and just hasn't talked to anyone over the PokéGear yet.
So this is where he's turning to, with a Morpeko in his arms and a Magikarp in a tub full of water.]
Uh, hello? It's my first time doing this, so hopefully I got it right. I'm a new recruit - my name's Doppio, by the way - and I think the training is going okay, but... I have a few other questions? Like, what are Pokémon supposed to eat? This one [and he tips his head towards the Morpeko in his arms, whose ears twitch. Its fur is already darkening.] keeps stealing MY food, and the fish... might be sick? I don't think it can do much. Do they usually assign these to new people? Because that seems kind of unfair. ... Ah, are you getting hungry again? Already?
[The Morpeko shifts in his arms with an annoyed squeak. It hops free in no time at all, and an increasingly purple blur runs right across the feed.]
Cristina? Cristina, that's not MY food. Cristina!
[... He'll be right back.]
However, there are a few things that training isn't telling him even though he figures they may be handy to know if he wants to get anywhere in this place, and, well, he should really stick to Rocket communications for this first couple of weeks. From what he gathers, one of the Pokémon he's been given has already been trained a bit, so it might be suspicious to show up out of nowhere with THAT under his belt. Best to learn the ropes first, and then he can tell civilians he's been at it for a little while and just hasn't talked to anyone over the PokéGear yet.
So this is where he's turning to, with a Morpeko in his arms and a Magikarp in a tub full of water.]
Uh, hello? It's my first time doing this, so hopefully I got it right. I'm a new recruit - my name's Doppio, by the way - and I think the training is going okay, but... I have a few other questions? Like, what are Pokémon supposed to eat? This one [and he tips his head towards the Morpeko in his arms, whose ears twitch. Its fur is already darkening.] keeps stealing MY food, and the fish... might be sick? I don't think it can do much. Do they usually assign these to new people? Because that seems kind of unfair. ... Ah, are you getting hungry again? Already?
[The Morpeko shifts in his arms with an annoyed squeak. It hops free in no time at all, and an increasingly purple blur runs right across the feed.]
Cristina? Cristina, that's not MY food. Cristina!
[... He'll be right back.]
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Do you even know what it is? Or are you asking me as a test?
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Why wouldn't I know my own birthday?
[It may not be a wise idea to let Doppio linger on that thought.]
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I don't know why you didn't ask Carly for this if you want it looked up. She's the investigative journalist.
[Something's off here. Is it me?
Hopefully he can wait a couple minutes without blowing his lid; the security clearance process is redundant as paradox space and twice as annoying.]
Unless you were a New Year's baby, it looks like you might need to file some corrections. If you even actually care.
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... And finally, something Dirk says brings relief, for once. Doppio smiles - they won't bother him about this. Diavolo smiles - they don't know. But then, why is the uniform the wrong size...?]
Thanks.
So, what's this collaborative effort you had in mind?
I hate Dirk Strider
I help you cover your ass in situations where you get caught talking to your Boss. The current conspiracy theory is already unravelling faster than our coworker can spin it, but the information is out there and with the way Team Rocket's idiots love to talk, that genie ain't going back in the bottle.
Which means that sooner or later, the genie is going to need an identity, and I think it's better for everyone if it's not the real thing. Am I right, or am I right?
Don't answer that, I know I'm right.
I've already cooked up a few options that I can go over with you, if you want. But it's your problem I'm volunteering to help you solve, so if you and your Boss have any ideas, I'm not so on my own shit that we can't start with those.
that's how you know you're doing it right
What if I just don't get caught again?
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I'm not a gambling man, but even if I were, I wouldn't take that bet.
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Tell me about these ideas of yours and I'll pass them on to the Boss
But he has the final say!
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TL;DR: Pretend your boss is me.
Now, before you turn this down--or your boss does, same difference--I want you to hear me out.
One: I don't actually care what passes between your boss and you. Nothing he says to you has to be said to me.
Two: Lending it credibility by calling me once in a while to update your story is therefore painless.
Three: I know the mechanics of this place better than anyone else in this faux Mafia entourage. You have questions? I have answers. One more call to me in your queue to add to your cover.
Four: Everyone here already knows I'm shifty. Casting suspicion on me over you? Easy mode.
Five: This may come as something of a shock, but I am an excellent storyteller.
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Doppio's response doesn't come immediately - he has to confer with the Boss, after all, even if he doesn't have to do it to the extent he believes to be necessary.
Diavolo lets him report, despite the fact that he read the message at the same time as him; the insight it gives him into Doppio's opinion on the matter is valuable. Not to mention it's somewhat endearing to see him so worked up about the absolute gall of Dirk Strider.
Funnily enough, however, that's exactly why he isn't completely opposed to this idea. What does it matter if his Doppio pretends to work for someone else? Isn't that the idea of this entire Team Rocket charade in the first place? No, it's not a bad plan. Strider can have Doppio claim whatever he pleases; Diavolo knows that doesn't make him his Boss.
But he's not foolish enough to believe the plan, as presented, is limited to this and this alone. What does Strider stand to gain from this? And so, he instructs Doppio to ask:]
What am I supposed to call you about?
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I mean, there's still time for him to turn it down, but it's better for me if he doesn't. Way less legwork on my end.]
Anything you like. I'd love it if you updated me on any major metaplot, but that might not be so easy to wrap your head around.
What else is there? Badge challenges. Steven's latest conspiracy theory. How come I'm so fucking awesome. All the hot goss.
Hopes, dreams. Combat, philosophy, life, even love.
And I'll answer any questions your Boss has, too. Deal?
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What does "metaplot" mean?
What about "goss", is that slang for girls?
Also I'm not supposed to share any personal information.
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Look. I am never talking about girls. If for some reason you ever think I am, I'm not.
Now I'm adding a corollary: don't ask me anything about girls unless it's Carly or Connie.
As for the metaplot: think of things that happen here as a story. But not your story. Not the story of anyone here in particular, even. So don't try too hard to find the main character.
But things will happen, and they will clue you into the future. There will be foreshadowing, and conflicts with climaxes and resolutions. The people like you and me... and Carly, and Steven, and anyone who isn't 'native' to this narrative in a meta sense... are the participants whose actions will complete those stories. On our narrative backs, we carry these plots to their conclusions.
And no, I'm not insane. I may sound that way, but that's just the entry fee for awareness of the metareal structures we inhabit.
1/2
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Keep up, will you? I'm giving you the tools to understand what's happening to you. I don't do that for just anybody, especially not right out of the gate like this. This is a privilege.
But maybe I did jump the gun a little. That was the experiential take. The epistemological perspective, if you will. I thought it might be easier for you to "get." Maybe not. I'll dial it back a little. Let's do the basic basics.
I know that video games exist where you're from. So try to understand I'm being extremely literal about what I say next.
This. Is. A. Game.
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[She said something along those lines, too. If this were the first he's hearing of it, he DEFINITELY wouldn't have believed it; it hardly even seems believable as it stands right now.
The music sure makes it more convincing, though.]
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'Hey, Carly, I wanna trick the new guy into thinking this is a video game. Why? Oh, I think it'd be funny.'
Something like that. I can see where that possibility might occur to you.
Except you'd be wrong.
I don't play those kinds of pranks. I'm told I'm a real smug-ass motherfucker, but I'm not that bored or that boring.
This is all very real.
By which I mean, it's all super fucking fake, and it's the fake part that's unfortunately real.
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And he doesn't even have a super nice voice like the Boss does! Not that Doppio's heard him, but he's sure he can't sound anywhere near as nice as the Boss.He's starting to forget why they're even talking about this in the first place, but admitting that would be a sign of weakness, wouldn't it? The Boss told him to put his most professional face forward...]
Point taken.