old man mcgucket, local kook (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gobblewonked) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
silph_co2017-12-20 04:06 pm
gobblewonked) wrote in silph_co2017-12-20 04:06 pm
[ACTION, dining hall]
[This old man is...something else. You may have seen him if you looked in on any of the newbie Rocket classes. He might not be the best at pickpocketing, but his escapes are something else: he's got an unnerving, lizardlike ability to climb straight up anything from a person to a two-story building. He's hard to miss in the halls, with his bowlegged walk and long white beard (Is that a bandage on his beard? Does that even make any sense?) and, well -- let's call it what it is. He smells like junkyard. The R on his shirt is barely visible under the filthy overalls he has on, and he never seems to be wearing shoes.
So he's generally given a wide berth in the dining hall. He can be clearly seen eating everything on his tray. And I do mean everything: he has just eaten the paper napkins, and he's examining the empty milk carton with an admiring, hungry eye.]
Well, I'll be! Haven't seen one of these this fine in years!
[He's gonna eat it if no one stops him. Heck, even if somebody tries, he still might.]
So he's generally given a wide berth in the dining hall. He can be clearly seen eating everything on his tray. And I do mean everything: he has just eaten the paper napkins, and he's examining the empty milk carton with an admiring, hungry eye.]
Well, I'll be! Haven't seen one of these this fine in years!
[He's gonna eat it if no one stops him. Heck, even if somebody tries, he still might.]
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I seen them dumpsters! They're real big! Big enough to hold thoooousands of milk cartons!
I tried to climb on up and see what was in 'em, but Auntie Apricorn caught me and sprayed me with some kinda flower-smellin' acid!
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[He has been on the receiving end of the Flower Spray many a time. :c He loves Auntie, but not when she's got that aimed in his direction.]
I just do it when she's not there.
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How about we help each other? We can take turns! One of us can climb in the dumpster while the other fella watches out for Auntie Apricorn!
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YEAH!
[Abandoning the rest of his lunch (all that was left were carrot coins, BLEUGH), he jumps upright because of course this new partnership needs to be initiated right now.]
Let's go!!
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Yeehaw, we're goin' dumpster-diving!
[This plan might work better if McGucket hadn't crowed that at the top of his lungs.
He leaps down to the floor and takes off in the direction of the dumpsters.]
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[Thank god most of the grunts have learned to tune out Wrath's nonsense by this point, since none of them particularly want to get stuck dealing with trying to stop the Private (yes, that's right. Wrath has rank.) from pursuing his garbage-filled dreams.]
[In any case, the pair of unlikely best friends dash off to the dumpsters. Wrath eagerly holds the door open for McGucket once they get to the exit.]
[This is the purest friendship that the Rocket base has ever seen.]
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Once the door shuts behind them, McGucket takes a moment to gaze up at the gleaming, grimy edifice before him.]
There she is. A treasure trove just waitin' for fellers like us to come along and plunder!
[He smiles at it, then turns around to look at his companion.]
Now, if one of us spots Auntie, we can't let on that the other one's in the dumpster. We'll need a secret code. If you see her, just hambone a message, and I'll lay low until she's gone!
sorry this is so late aaaugh, meant to tag it back ages ago!
Ahuh!
I'll-- wait.
[Hambone? Well, there's probably at least one hambone in there... Yeah, he'll just figure it out when he finds it!]
Okay!
[If this doesn't culminate in Wrath learning how to hambone I will cry.]You're good <3
[and McGucket clambers up the side of the dumpster, lizardlike, and crawls in. Oh man. There’s like broken Pokeballs in here, and candy wrappers, and bottle caps – he’ll just pocket all of those, thank you, he doesn’t understand why anyone would throw out legal American tender like that – and hey! A piece of broken glass! McGucket holds it up and moves it close and away from his face. It’s just concave enough to magnify! What an excellent find.]
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[In his short existence, he hasn't really met any humans who are
just as disgusting as he iscompletely non-averse to wallowing in garbage-- he honestly wondered if it truly was a species-wide trait to be so prissy and wasteful. But no. Clearly it's just that McGucket is the first truly High Quality (tm) example of humanity he's thus far encountered.][No offense to his human friends and loved ones.]
[But they have a lot to live up to now that the bar's been raised!]
[Once his team-mate is out of sight, Wrath turns around to dutifully stand watch as promised.]
[However, it's only a matter of time before curiosity gets the better of him and he does tap on the side of the dumpster lightly.]
Find anything good yet?
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Feast your eyes! It's a bona-fide magnification glass!
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[Lust always tells him not to handle broken glass. Clearly she is not aware of is spectacular properties.]
Ohhhh!
Can I hold it?!
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[McGucket skitters down from the dumpster and happily gives the small child the piece of broken glass.]
Take a look! If you hold it up to somethin' and then pull it away slowly, it makes that thingamajig look bigger! It makes readin' easier, and lets you get a real good look at how disgustin' your toes are!
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[He is surprisingly careful when he takes the glass, but does bring it up close to his face so that he can squint through it and do as Fiddleford suggests.]
Wow!
You're right!
Now I won't have to bend all the way down to the ground anymore!
[Because apparently looking at his own nasty feet is something he does often enough that an alternate strategy is welcome.]
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Your turn!
[He'll take up a position to stand watch. Fair is fair, Wrath should have some garbage time, too.]
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[To his credit, he doesn't speak or make many vocalizations at all while he works-- he knows from experience that talking to himself in there carries and is a good way to draw unwanted attention. So like a true creature of nature, he has learned to sound more or less indistinguishable from a Rattata digging around in an alleyway in the middle of the night.]
[HOWEVER]
[Despite the pair's admirable discretion, the sound of footseps approaching door to the back alley soon picks up. THERE IS SOMEONE COMING.]
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Oh, dear! Someone's a-comin'! I better get out a message.
[And he makes a complicated series of slaps on his arms and chest and legs. The subtitles read: A stranger approaches and we should leave]
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[Because he definitely assumed the signal for 'danger' was gonna be having an actual hambone tossed into the trash at him. Which, he felt, would be a very clever and sophisticated signal in this specific circumstance! After all, dumpsters were where trash went, and who would ever suspect anything was amiss about a loyal Team-mate casually throwing out the remains of a delicious meal in the designated area for garbage? Genius!]
[So when Fiddleford slaps out his message, Wrath's first thought is that he's probably just bored out there while he waits. The urge to fidget is natural! So he merrily carries on with what he's doing, which is unearthing an old bike tire from where it's lodged underneath a broken microwave.]
[THE DOOR OPENS.]
[AND IT'S THE SCARIEST OF THE CAFETERIA LADIES, WHO ARE ALL SCARY.]
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-- but he can't just leave the kid!
TIME TO PROVIDE SOME COVER. The hamboning turns into a jig.]
Deedleey doo dup do! Doop dow! Hornswoggling haversacks, I'm doin' a garbage dance!
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[These otherworlders were so fuckin' weird and they never got any less weird. Only more.]
[She lets out a gravelly sigh.]
All right, Grunt, you just do you.
[BUT SHE HAS TO PUT THE TRASH OUT, so she continues over to the dumpster... and just drops the sack in without actually looking. Because McGucket's garbage dance is distracting and she kind of wants to get away from it as soon as possible.]
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McGucket has to save the situation the only way he knows how: by yelling. He opens his mouth, waves his arms, and releases a shrill ululation, long and loud and hopefully enough to cover up any surprised noises his partner in dumpster crime might make.]
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Arceus ALMIGHTY, what on earth is wrong with you, recruit?! You been eatin' Paras shrooms?!
[She's GLARING... but at Fiddleford and not the dumpster! For Wrath's startled yelp was indeed pretty much completely obliterated by the old fellow's truly impressive feat of vocal fortitude.]
[Shaking her head, the lunch lady moves back past him and towards the door, muttering something about talking to the higher-ups about making sure they don't order anything else from the second-rate produce company that keeps giving them stuff with old all over it because clearly it's having a profound effect on the new recruits.]
[THE DAY IS SAVED!!!]
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Bye-bye now!
[He waves at her merrily until the door slams. McGucket gives it a moment to make sure all is quiet, and then he scrambles up the side of the dumpster to look down at Wrath in distress.]
Why didn'tcha run when I sent the message?!
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I was waiting for the bone!
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It's called hamboning! It goes like this!
[He climbs up onto the edge of the dumpster and stands there. Then, he does a rhythmic slapping dance on his arms, chest, and thighs.
The subtitles read: THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM]
You can send all kinds of messages that way!
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[He sure didn't get a single word of those subtitles, but it's clear that he's intrigued.]
OH!
Like... a code?
[He vaguely knows what codes are-- that Sloth and Envy used to use it to send each other covert messages on the phone. And that Envy would usually not bother with it out of laziness.]
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This is how you say SOMEBODY'S COMING!
[Slap slappity slap slap, on the arms and the thigh and once to the cheek.]
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[He's a quick learner-- he's always had to be.]
[After observing McGucket's demonstration, he lets out a soft, determined grunt to himself, then mimics as best as he can.]
[Which is pretty close!]
[But the subtitles read SOMEBODY'S SLUMMING!]