I am really not surprised command treats all recruits like babies, considering that most grunts native to this place are too busy stewing in a broth of machismo, stupidity, and arrogance to be halfway competent, at least from what I've observed. There are a few exceptions, but I think they prove the rule.
c all of us on this network? were all transplants. im president of half a galaxy back home, i kno more about running big organizations than every head rocket honcho put 2gether
thers nothing they can teach me
but i had 2 do 2 friggin weeks of basic training b4 i could even live off base
gud. u end up in jail, i dont kno u, im not bailing u out
i been here a whole lotta years, ive worked my way up by being real gud at wut i do and never being caught. not even casual sum ppl kno im a major player in team rocket caught
If you are my superior, I should hope you're good at what you're do. If you weren't, I'm afraid I'd have to report you to the entirely imaginary HR division about favoritism towards the old guard.
[He can practically hear the deadpan dripping off the text.]
I'm Connie Maheswaran.
[She was tempted to add "I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you, but I absolutely hate it here" if not for the fact that pissing off somebody higher-ranking than her seemed like a terrible idea.]
i mean u joke but there IS an hr department n they r BIG on punishment. oh n when there wuz more of us theyd do that psychological fuckery thing where they get us all 2gether n dole out praise n punishment in front of everybody else
Wow! No offense, sir, but the more I learn about this place the more it sounds like some twisted chimera of a legitimate criminal organization and a child's idea of what the mafia is like.
And yes, I'm in the Goldenrod base. I have a few minutes break, so of course I'm in the training hall.
Oh dear. My desire to improve and streamline systems this inherently broken is conflicting with my innate distaste for organized crime.
See you there.
[Jack arrives at either the exact right or wrong time, depending on his opinion of swordfighting. Connie stands in front of a training dummy, holding a training sword while a Luxio bristles behind her target. An Alolan Vulpix watches from the sidelines, head cocked curiously.]
[She strikes out with her blade diagonally in a practiced motion, then shouts,] Nemean, use Spark! [The Luxio leaps forward, bathed in electric energy as he crashes into the training dummy. While the dummy's singed, Connie tears her sword through its neck, decapitating it.]
[Connie is solely focused on the training, and seems to have completely forgot that Jack was even coming.]
[Jack just watches for a minute before announcing his presence. He's wearing his uniform...sort of. His uniform jacket is on over his yellow Hyperion jersey, and he's wearing his own sneakers. As usual he's accompanied by a frighteningly muscular Houndoom and a particularly feral looking Mightyena.]
[So this is the latest recruit. Another literal child. Awesome. He's starting to feel like a glorified babysitter. But whatever, kids can be useful. Malleable little minds and all that.]
But the only 'real' swords you're gonna find anywhere are literally Pokemon. Take it you're the new meat.
The sword practice is only part of it. [Connie swipes with her arm, making a very similar gesture to the strike that she synchronized with Nemean, and the Pokémon nods before hitting the training dummy with another Spark.] Using nonverbal commands might be able to give me a bit of advantage. I'm considering combining the gestures with whistles or fingersnaps so opponents have more trouble interpreting them.
[Somebody's been thinking hard. Plotting strategies is a nice distraction from how terrible everything is now.]
That's correct. Connie Maheswaran. [She turns to look at Jack, then at his two Pokémon, assessing him carefully. Reaching some sort of conclusion, Connie stands "at attention"—if it can even be called that. It's an alert stance, although nothing as ostentatious as a military rest.] And you are Handsome Jack, I'm guessing?
Yeah, that's pretty popular. Coded commands, too. Everybody's got their little tricks.
[Jack predominantly relies on subterfuge and confusion rather than outright attacks in battle, but he also doesn't exactly 'battle' professionally.]
I dunno how into the whole Pokemon thing you plan on getting, but a lot of Rocket work isn't actual battling. And yeah, I am indeed the guy who just told you he was gonna be coming to see you. You can relax, I don't give much of a shit about formality around base.
[He expects unquestioning response and attention in the field, but dicking around base? He does not care, he is not that invested in this.]
[Connie "relaxes." She isn't sure what to make of Jack quite yet. For being a ranking officer in a widespread (albeit incompetent) criminal organization, he seemed surprsingly personable.]
[Which was all the more reason to not let her guard down.]
[Still, she assumes a more casual stance.]
I'm aware. Honestly, I'm considering getting a job in data entry once I explore Johto and Kanto a bit.
[She's dead-serious about that. Although once she hears about the Gym Challenge, that will definitely change.]
Not a bad idea! I run a greeting card and novelties company - I dunno how to not be running a business.
[And since weapons and high tech self defense and robots aren't in demand here, he's adjusted. Whatever, it works, he has money and that's the important thing.]
But yeah, uh...this is not a great main gig. I mean ya get a free bed and food and everything, but the pay's not awesome and advancement is...well let's just say it's limited. But it's cool, you do what you're told, you don't get caught, you'll be fine. And we'll get along just fine.
[She seems like a bright enough kid, respect for authority...not bad, really. He's worked with worse.]
So. Tell me what makes you a beneficial addition to Team Rocket. What skills do you bring to the table?
Well, beyond my sword skills, I'm proficient in a variety of methods of self defense. If I absolutely had to, I could probably take somebody down—nonlethally—before they could get out their Pokéballs.
I'm a fairly analytical thinker, and I notice things. It's hard to explain, but... well, I guess there are some benefits to training to fight for your life with a sword since you were twelve. I have good instincts, is what I'm saying. With all this in mind, well, I'm not exactly experienced in this area, but I could probably plan and execute a simple heist on my own with a little prep time.
Now, if we're being really pragmatic, people wouldn't assume a bright, enthusiastic, nerdy girl like me would be part of a criminal organization, so I can probably slip under the radar a bit more easily than most grunts.
I'm also good with numbers and have excellent attention to detail, so I could probably run logistics too.
[She says this all without a trace of ego in her voice.]
[Way more than Jack expected. Holy shit, okay, he's getting a clearer picture now. This is a bona fide over achiever right here. Interesting. Very, very interesting.]
[But also jesus, he didn't need all of that. He pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head, once again reflecting on the current state of his life.]
I'm guessing you got a lot of spelling bee trophies at home. Okay, so, theoretically yes, useful skills. But how about your sleight of hand? How are you at picking pockets? Locks? Disarming alarms? Smuggling? Your disguise game, what's that looking like?
[The things that Jack finds the most important for working in the field.]
[Connie grimaces. There was a reason she left that stuff out.] I doubt you'll be happy to hear this, but: I was a hero-type back home. Vanquishing monsters, toppling fascist regimes, exploring ancient ruins- that sort of thing. I... don't really have much experience with skills like that.
[...]
Unfortunately, though, I've... taken to that stuff quite well. I'm no master, not by a long shot, but by the end of the week I should be...
Halfway competent.
[Connie is clearly underselling herself here. And doing it quite intentionally. It's disconcerting, really, having natural talent at stuff like this.]
Please stop thinking I am in any way the representative face of this organization.
[Jack holds up a hand.]
You're not the first 'hero-type' to get nabbed and stuck in here, I've killed two giant space monsters and saved a whole space station, moon, and planet. Relax. It's not like we do real crime.
[Not by Jack's standards anyway. Not by a long shot. But he comes from a world where things like murder aren't considered illegal.]
It's bullshit pick-pocketing and petty thievery crap, mostly.
[Jack just keeps grinning. He circles Connie, giving her a good long once over.]
Pick-pocketing and getting into places without getting caught. They don't focus enough on that, and those aren't exactly what you'd call intuitive skills. And disguises! I cannot stress how important a good disguise is.
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I wasn't joking?
It's a legitimate question, if things are going to get harder soon I want to be ready for it.
[Connie really, really hopes that he didn't see her complaining to Carly.]
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luk the top brass assumes ur an idiot
its friggin How 2 B a Cartoon Bad Guy 4 dummies
half of wut u learn? isnt even gonna mean shit in the field
but its kewl, thats why im here
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[On the other, she's smart enough to know that's completely pointless and she can just blow off some steam by practicing her sword skills later.]
[So she chooses to be respectful. By a small margin.]
Maybe I be frank, sir?
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2 an extent
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Sir.
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c all of us on this network? were all transplants. im president of half a galaxy back home, i kno more about running big organizations than every head rocket honcho put 2gether
thers nothing they can teach me
but i had 2 do 2 friggin weeks of basic training b4 i could even live off base
as 4 me...i got 1 rule 4 ya: dont get caught
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And I'll keep that in mind.
[Connie is very good at not getting caught.]
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gud. u end up in jail, i dont kno u, im not bailing u out
i been here a whole lotta years, ive worked my way up by being real gud at wut i do and never being caught. not even casual sum ppl kno im a major player in team rocket caught
im handsome jack btw
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[He can practically hear the deadpan dripping off the text.]
I'm Connie Maheswaran.
[She was tempted to add "I'd say it's a pleasure to meet you, but I absolutely hate it here" if not for the fact that pissing off somebody higher-ranking than her seemed like a terrible idea.]
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i mean u joke but there IS an hr department n they r BIG on punishment. oh n when there wuz more of us theyd do that psychological fuckery thing where they get us all 2gether n dole out praise n punishment in front of everybody else
hey ur @ goldenrod base, rite?
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And yes, I'm in the Goldenrod base. I have a few minutes break, so of course I'm in the training hall.
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srsly u ever seen a single saturday morning cartoon? its like they used every bad guy from every 1 as a guideline. its so friggin stupid.
ok kewl im at the same base, ill grab u 4 sum REAL training
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See you there.
[Jack arrives at either the exact right or wrong time, depending on his opinion of swordfighting. Connie stands in front of a training dummy, holding a training sword while a Luxio bristles behind her target. An Alolan Vulpix watches from the sidelines, head cocked curiously.]
[She strikes out with her blade diagonally in a practiced motion, then shouts,] Nemean, use Spark! [The Luxio leaps forward, bathed in electric energy as he crashes into the training dummy. While the dummy's singed, Connie tears her sword through its neck, decapitating it.]
[Connie is solely focused on the training, and seems to have completely forgot that Jack was even coming.]
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[Jack just watches for a minute before announcing his presence. He's wearing his uniform...sort of. His uniform jacket is on over his yellow Hyperion jersey, and he's wearing his own sneakers. As usual he's accompanied by a frighteningly muscular Houndoom and a particularly feral looking Mightyena.]
[So this is the latest recruit. Another literal child. Awesome. He's starting to feel like a glorified babysitter. But whatever, kids can be useful. Malleable little minds and all that.]
But the only 'real' swords you're gonna find anywhere are literally Pokemon. Take it you're the new meat.
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[Somebody's been thinking hard. Plotting strategies is a nice distraction from how terrible everything is now.]
That's correct. Connie Maheswaran. [She turns to look at Jack, then at his two Pokémon, assessing him carefully. Reaching some sort of conclusion, Connie stands "at attention"—if it can even be called that. It's an alert stance, although nothing as ostentatious as a military rest.] And you are Handsome Jack, I'm guessing?
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[Jack predominantly relies on subterfuge and confusion rather than outright attacks in battle, but he also doesn't exactly 'battle' professionally.]
I dunno how into the whole Pokemon thing you plan on getting, but a lot of Rocket work isn't actual battling. And yeah, I am indeed the guy who just told you he was gonna be coming to see you. You can relax, I don't give much of a shit about formality around base.
[He expects unquestioning response and attention in the field, but dicking around base? He does not care, he is not that invested in this.]
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[Which was all the more reason to not let her guard down.]
[Still, she assumes a more casual stance.]
I'm aware. Honestly, I'm considering getting a job in data entry once I explore Johto and Kanto a bit.
[She's dead-serious about that. Although once she hears about the Gym Challenge, that will definitely change.]
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[And since weapons and high tech self defense and robots aren't in demand here, he's adjusted. Whatever, it works, he has money and that's the important thing.]
But yeah, uh...this is not a great main gig. I mean ya get a free bed and food and everything, but the pay's not awesome and advancement is...well let's just say it's limited. But it's cool, you do what you're told, you don't get caught, you'll be fine. And we'll get along just fine.
[She seems like a bright enough kid, respect for authority...not bad, really. He's worked with worse.]
So. Tell me what makes you a beneficial addition to Team Rocket. What skills do you bring to the table?
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I'm a fairly analytical thinker, and I notice things. It's hard to explain, but... well, I guess there are some benefits to training to fight for your life with a sword since you were twelve. I have good instincts, is what I'm saying. With all this in mind, well, I'm not exactly experienced in this area, but I could probably plan and execute a simple heist on my own with a little prep time.
Now, if we're being really pragmatic, people wouldn't assume a bright, enthusiastic, nerdy girl like me would be part of a criminal organization, so I can probably slip under the radar a bit more easily than most grunts.
I'm also good with numbers and have excellent attention to detail, so I could probably run logistics too.
[She says this all without a trace of ego in her voice.]
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[Way more than Jack expected. Holy shit, okay, he's getting a clearer picture now. This is a bona fide over achiever right here. Interesting. Very, very interesting.]
[But also jesus, he didn't need all of that. He pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head, once again reflecting on the current state of his life.]
I'm guessing you got a lot of spelling bee trophies at home. Okay, so, theoretically yes, useful skills. But how about your sleight of hand? How are you at picking pockets? Locks? Disarming alarms? Smuggling? Your disguise game, what's that looking like?
[The things that Jack finds the most important for working in the field.]
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[...]
Unfortunately, though, I've... taken to that stuff quite well. I'm no master, not by a long shot, but by the end of the week I should be...
Halfway competent.
[Connie is clearly underselling herself here. And doing it quite intentionally. It's disconcerting, really, having natural talent at stuff like this.]
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[Jack holds up a hand.]
You're not the first 'hero-type' to get nabbed and stuck in here, I've killed two giant space monsters and saved a whole space station, moon, and planet. Relax. It's not like we do real crime.
[Not by Jack's standards anyway. Not by a long shot. But he comes from a world where things like murder aren't considered illegal.]
It's bullshit pick-pocketing and petty thievery crap, mostly.
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[Oh, if only Connie knew.]
I'll keep that in mind. Speaking of, what kind of training did you have in mind?
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[Jack just keeps grinning. He circles Connie, giving her a good long once over.]
Pick-pocketing and getting into places without getting caught. They don't focus enough on that, and those aren't exactly what you'd call intuitive skills. And disguises! I cannot stress how important a good disguise is.
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Bring it on, chief.
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