silph_co | Video

[Handsome Jack's in a good mood. It's been a while since he's been in an actual good mood, but he's feeling like his old self again. Even if he's back in Goldenrod and back to work. But who says work has to be a drag? He's been twiddling his thumbs long enough. Screw the long con, he wants some real power again.]

[What better place to start than with his fellow Rockets?]

Hey kiddos, listen up!

You all know me by now, except anybody who showed up while I was on vacation, I guess. And then all you gotta know is that I'm the rich badass who's taken over a ton of things and wants to make everything better around here.

So who else thinks this entire MO of 'steal Pokemon for world domination' is stupid as hell and not gonna get us anything? 'Cause I tell ya, I've been going over it and I just... Not that stealing Pokemon should stop, no, no, it's a good thing. It deprives the other side of powerful resources, and gives'em to us.

But we can be doing so much more! This whole planet's got essentially no government, no military, no civil structure that ought to work. It's just sitting here! Waiting for somebody to step in and start making things work. Even the police force is a joke! You know what the punishment for literally anything is? Community service! That's it! There isn't even prison!

So I say that somebody ought to be us.

Anybody who agrees with me, let's have a chat. Let me help you maximize your potential! And this whole planet's potential! We can make a difference, guys!

Plus there's buttloads of money in it for ya.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, I can be very useful! I managed to get the jump on you after all, didn't I?

You jumped out of trash at me with no skin, who wouldn't be freaked out by that?

_{[Here, Jack just gives his most innocent, absent-minded old man smile, indicating that he sure wouldn't.]}

I'm just saying it's a bad example, 'cause you've got skin now. You don't look freaky, you just look...sick and sad.

But hey, we can work with that! You're not actually as sick and pathetic as ya look.

_{[The sort-of compliment catches him off guard and Jack cackles.]}

Well thanks! You know, I don't hear that every day!

I'm not the kind of guy who wastes any resource. And obviously you're here for a reason, you've gotta have something to offer.

But seriously, have you ever thought about a makeover?

_{[Jack soon sobers and looks thoughtful.]}

I have been considering a hair cut to be honest.

_{[His wild hair didn't fit so well under the uniform Bad Guy Hat and it made disguises...difficult.]}

You need way more work than a haircut, corpsey.

Are you sure? If I started going out of my way to clean up they might start calling me Handsome Jack instead.

HA! Oh, that's a good one, I needed a laugh like that! You...ha! Oh...

[Jack has to take a minute to get himself back under control.]

I'm gonna do you a solid. I'm gonna take you out, get you the works. Make you look like a guy I'd be proud to have in my organization.

_{[Jack lets the other Jack have his good laugh and is ready for a smile once his attention returns to him.]}

Well I can't say no to that! Thank you so much! I'll do the same for you when Halloween rolls back around.

Trust me, I don't need any help when it comes to Halloween.

But good, great! I'll make some calls, set up some appointments.

...and for you, I think you need some of my special homemade face serum. Get rid of that hundred year old roadmap thing you got going on.

It only hurts for like five minutes.

_{[At that, Jack looks just a liiiiiiiiiiittle unsure because. Well. Face staples tend to tell a story.]}

Don't overwork yourself! One thing at a time and all that!

It's nothing! Little something I whipped up myself, uses Pokemon venom. Freezes the hell out of your skin, tightens it all up. It's great!

[It doesn't matter that Jack wears his mask whenever he's in public, and it's always smooth and wrinkle free. The skin under it has to be, too. There's no way he's going to let himself look his actual age. He still has people guessing he's in his thirties, that's how he likes it.]

But yeah, yeah, it...it stings.

_{[The ex-skeleton's smile soon returned.]}

Well you know what humans say! No pain no gain!

_{[The things I'll do for you, Joker, I swear to Hitchcock.]}

Exactly! You gotta work for it!

And we should talk about wardrobe...

I think you're gonna be my new project!

_{[Jack looks down at his Houndour tracksuit. What was wrong with his wardrobe???]}

If you insist! Just don't let me take up all your time. You sound like you're going to be very busy.

I like to be busy! Makes me feel all fulfilled and stuff.

_{[Here, Handsome Jack gets a sympathetic hum. Jack and did not do well when bored either. He's sang entire songs about it. And ruined many many children's nights.]}

Alright! You just let me know when you need me!

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