silph_co | Video

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Hey there, kiddos!

So...

I'm guessing by this point you've all seen the dude that looks and sounds just like a really roughed up version of me.

That's Jack Number Two.

[He figures it's about time he addresses this situation, since it could end up being a sort of liability.]

Long ass story short, he's my doppelganger, he took an insanely high paying job to basically be a secondary me. And he was really good at it for a while, but then I guess some shit happened and I haven't seen him in years and he's all pissed off about things that happened when I wasn't even around.

[Like it's Jack's own fault that he ended up getting his ass kicked by terrorists and the casino went into lock down with Other Jack in it. The dude has Jack's DNA, he could have gotten out. Probably. Anyway the point was it wasn't anything that had been Jack's fault.]

He doesn't know I'm a high ranking member of this stupid organization. Don't mess with him or anything, cuz for one he's basically me and messing with me is a bad idea in general - I at least like most of you people. He doesn't.

And plus I'm trying to work shit out with him, so just leave him alone.

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Yeah, I get it. A story needs a villain.

[For example: Team Rocket.]

Not that you did anything, just that you exist. And if he's been you, then you're his problem.

Like I said, been there.

Well shit, apparently so! You get it!

But I'm more than willing to give him another chance - hell, I miss the dude!

[I think for a second, forgetting myself enough to want to come up with a splinter I would have missed before the difference between us was dissolved by my Ultimate Self.

But frankly, I can't think of one. I was pretty well determined to escape all of them. All of me. I wasn't expecting a one-to-one equivalency, though. He's barely scratching the surface of what I've been through, and what I've become. I do remember how it felt, though. Before I truly understood.

Individually, I made myself miserable because I was miserable. Haunted by the potential I brought to each of my selves, the potential I could never seem to satisfy. Blah blah blah. Normal people, I assume, are generally satisfying normal potentials. The potential is normalised by the normalcy of their existence. So what I actually achieve by thinking about it is the realisation that of course Jack could and would miss this partial self of his.

Nice.]

Maybe give him a couple.

But worst case, you can always appeal to the human appetite for a story. Then sell him on a redemption arc.

Yeah, I backed off for now - gave him a lot to think about and withdrew.

Eh, maybe but...this is a real delicate case. Plus side is...he's me, in a lot of ways, so I know the angles to take.

[Or so Jack assumes.]

[Hearing someone say they've done the exact thing I would have in a situation is pretty fucking novel. I'm not sure I like it, but it's not like I invented the task of convincing people of what's already true. If it works, it works.]

So are we setting up a needlessly cryptic code phrase or something to make sure it's you before we shoot the wrong Jack, or are we just supposed to close our eyes and hope for the best?

I don't think we need to go that far - Other Jack's mask is messed up on the left side and he's got longer hair. That he doesn't style. Or use any product in.

Also he goes by 'Tim'.

[My hair falls a bit oddly without product, but it's still essentially the same style. Thinking about Jack's hair.... assuming it follows the rules of gravity, that's basically a fucking mullet.]

Yikes.

[I snort a bit through my nose, which is the closest I come to actual laughter.

Typed shit like "lol" or "ha ha," "hee hee," etc. isn't quite the same thing.]

So, no respect for the image he's damaging.

Fuck it, then. Either you get this loose doppelganger under control or you have someone to pin a crime on once in a while.

That's what I'm doing, champ. He just showed back up, I'm willing to give it some time.

Patience is a virtue for a reason - I'm speaking from experience. Rush things and ya fuck'em up!

[It was way easier when he could just blow Tim up whenever he wanted. Or at least threaten to.]

[So patience is not a virtue I always avail myself of these days, fine. I've already eaten my humble pie on that, gone back for seconds, I'm full. If I were a little less intent on a sudden detour here, I'd make some crack about Jane's battercraft and John's relationship to her and it.

But we have a problem. By which I mean I do, and I'm about fixing to make mountains out of some molehills.

I lean back, the lenses of my shades perfectly parallel to the camera for maximum glare off the overhead light.]

I've been trying to be culturally sensitive--

I'm no stranger to interspecies diplomacy here.

But I can't help but notice your formerly-consistent quirk is suddenly absent when you're talking to the new guy.

I got a lotta quirks, gonna have to be more specific than that....oh! Oh, right, The nicknames!

Okay, I get ya!

Well, on account of the fact we're after dark fun time buddies, all the nicknames I got for Steven aren't ones anybody would appreciate me using on the network.

[.....

The pause is longer than I meant it to be.

He's serious. It takes me a minute, partially because he just used the phrase 'after dark fun time buddies' and partially because--]

How long did it take from time of arrival to raw, animalistic fucking?

[Do I actually want to know? No, of course I fucking don't. It's not my business. And that's only ONE reason.]

Don't answer that, it's not actually a question. I have some opinions here but I'll keep them to myself.

[I'll bow out. I don't need this right now.]

Oh, I'm sure ya do.

But when you're my age, and stuck here, and coming off a two year dry spell...it's stupid to waste time or put off pursuing an opportunity. Seize the day!

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uber_marionettist - 2020-02-24 18:35 (UTC) - Expand

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thedifferencebetween - 2020-02-24 19:28 (UTC) - Expand

... Dirk. Are you sure you want to shoot him? Not only would it get those weird clone cops after you, but if we can't die here, it wouldn't even do anything but piss the body double off even more.

[Steven. Honey. Shouldn't you also add something like 'murder is wrong' to that?]

Nobody's shooting Tim, I want Tim alive!

But I gotta say, I love all the interest being taken here, I'm feeling really heard right now.

I mean. Of course we're taking interest.

I can understand why Tim could very much regret taking the job for you, because having to literally be someone else for an extended length of time is pretty much a recipe to give someone a lot of issues and I'd even get why he'd displace the blame for whatever happened when he was body-doubling onto you, at least if it happened because people thought he was you... but you're our colleague, Jack. Not Tim.

[Tim's just some guy that looks like you.]

If he's got regrets, that's his problem. He knew what he was getting into. Plus he was so well compensated... he got to live my life. He was paid insane amounts of money to go to exclusive clubs and eat fancy dinners and take out beautiful rich people and wear designer clothes and be pampered. Pretty fair trade for any minor issues he might have picked up - I took really great care of that dude.

But yeah, he's looking for somebody to blame and here I am. Which hurts, I'm not gonna lie, we used to be pretty close.

But I also want to make it clear I don't want anybody giving the guy shit.

I mean, did he really get it even if he thought he knew? If he's an actor, even a method actor... roles usually have a time limit.

Like, your life sounds great. Getting to live like you did and be paid for it, it sounds so great on the surface. If it were just that... but always having to be someone else, react as if you were them, hear their name in your ear instead of your own... it's got to wear on a guy, eventually. No matter who they're being.

I mean, you know I respect you more than pretty much anyone else in the damn world, Jack, and I couldn't be a knock-off you long term without cracking in the end. No matter how great a guy you are--and you know I think you're a great guy. You're the best guy in this goddamn region, Jack. But I couldn't do what he did long term. I'd have-- god, I'd have totally lost it in the end. Hearing your name in my ears instead of mine, seeing your face instead of mine in the mirror... God, eventually I wouldn't be sure if I'd ever really existed as Steven Durante at all. I'd have completely lost myself. I'd have completely lost it.

That said, it's absolutely bullshit that he's taking it out on you. It's absolutely not fair to you at all. He shouldn't be such a little prick about things and he should have maybe taken the time to think about what he was getting into before he signed that contract with you. But he didn't. And now we have this mess to deal with.

That's what all the extensive psychological testing was for! And I'm not gonna get into all the details of the doppelganger program because we'd be here all day and most of it is crazy science shit anyway...but it's not like there weren't precautions and stuff for all that.

[Such as re-sequencing Tim's DNA so it was Jack's, and therefor rewriting his cells and the way he thinks.]

[At least Steven already knows exactly how to talk to Jack, so he doesn't see this as an argument or an attempt to question his own decisions.]

And anyway...it's been like half a decade since he was even on the job, I guess, so it's not like he hasn't had time to deal with his shit. And he's not even pissed off about that.

No, he's pissed off because some shit went down and he got stuck in our casino? Which I had nothing to do with!

But it's not even really a mess it's just...a thing I have to deal with? It's not like he's coming after me or anything, or he's gonna make trouble or some shit, we just had a fight last time we talked. The worst he's ever done is he ran off with one of my Pokemon once.

He's...he's not a threat.

Well. Okay. But if he ever becomes one... you know I've got your back, Jack. I don't want him to hurt you.

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thedifferencebetween - 2020-02-23 18:56 (UTC) - Expand

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fingersandteeth - 2020-02-23 19:15 (UTC) - Expand

....

Putting aside for a moment the complete absence of anything that might be meaningfully referred to as a 'firearm,' let alone a 'projectile weapon,' and the rather bold assumption that the Officers Jenny would have the first damn clue that I'm the perp--

And also putting aside the fact that guns really ain't my weapon of choice--

I mean, it's not a permanent solution, but speaking from experience,

[I see-saw my arms up and down, weighing invisible loads, elbows bent--I've been talking with my hands because I have nothing else to do with them, but the thing about voice calls is I feel like I'm half-assing two things instead of whole-assing one.

The general use of body language or (lack of, I know) facial expression is totally lost, so he can't see my hands in motion, which is his loss, but I'm deprived of whatever editorial process I might apply to text.]

It takes him out of the equation for a little while, gives me time to solve for X before he comes out whatever Pokecentre hopping mad at a man he has no idea knows the die he was cast from.

I'm not seeing a problem here. Even continuing this little hypothetical, Jack the OG could spin it in his favour, play the sympathy card or offer up protection or retribution, whatever you want.

[You were the one who literally mentioned shooting him, Dirk.

Unseen, Steven pinches the bridge of his nose.]

Yeah, okay, but there's just one problem still. Jack doesn't want you to do it. And it's his knock-off, so he gets to make this decision.

[My deadpan is legend across the four kingdoms of Earth C, so it's both very easy and not easy at all to increase it. Easy for me, the master.]

Damn. And here I was looking forward to independently inventing the sport of paintball. On account of that being my only option.

This being a game where attempting to relocate anything sharper than a plastic butterknife to your pocket becomes mysteriously impossible.

[Okay. I got that out of my system. Damn, though, he's really in Jack's pocket already. Must be damn good dick.]

Also, and less absurdly hyperbolically, if people depended on my input every time there was a problem with literally any of my numberless selves and their derivatives, nothing would get done.

[It's not only the good dick, Dirk. It's that they've connected on a deep and almost spiritual level. Not that Steven would actually say that, mind you, but. It's basically true.

Anyway. This gets a resigned sigh from him. Somewhere he's pinching the bridge of his nose.]

Dirk...

[It's a tone that is similar, but much less fond, to the one he says 'Jack--' in.]

[Oh, that's a tone I know really well. It's the sound of 'you're being too difficult' or 'you've taken it too far' or whatever else it is I'm 'too much' at right that second.

Of course, I disagree. But I still acknowledge that I heard it.]

What.

You're being an ass.

[He sighs.]

Look. Maybe you don't care if other people make the decision about what to do with your useless knock-offs, but I'd sure as hell want to make the decision for mine.

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[Voice] Slightly NSFW I'm SO sORRY

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This is one of those "secretly dark" tags

I mean, same (though not nearly as much as Dirk's probs)

UH, WELL,

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